Forums Herb-Talk | Archive Everything Else Humor Forum A conversation about GRASS with GOD

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      This was quite timely as Renee and I had decided yesterday that we HATED mowing and were going to make our lawn areas au natural with flowers and herbs growing EVERYWHERE! 😮

      >> Conversation between God and St.Francis. It is hilarious because it is so true.


      >> GOD: Frank, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is

      >> going on down there on the planet? What happened to the dandelions, violets,

      >> milkweeds and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect no-maintenance

      >> garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and

      >> multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracts

      >> butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast

      >> garden of colours by now. But, all I see are these green rectangles.


      >> St.FRANCIS:It’s the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They

      >> started calling your flowers ‘weeds’ and went to great lengths to kill them

      >> and replace them with grass.


      >> GOD: Grass? But, it’s so boring. It’s not colorful. It doesn’t attract

      >> butterflies, birds and bees; only grubs and sod worms. It’s sensitive to

      >> temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing

      >> there?


      >> ST. FRANCIS: Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep

      >> it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any

      >> other plant that crops up in the lawn.


      >> GOD: The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast.

      >> That must make the Suburbanites happy.


      >> ST. FRANCIS: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut

      >> it-sometimes twice a week.


      >> GOD: They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?


      >> ST. FRANCIS: Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.


      >> GOD: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?


      >> ST. FRANCIS: No, Sir, just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.


      >> GOD: Now, let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow.

      >> And, when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?


      >> ST. FRANCIS: Yes, Sir.


      >> GOD: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on

      >> the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a

      >> lot of work.


      >> ST. FRANCIS: You aren’t going to believe this, Lord. When the grass stops

      >> growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it, so they

      >> can

      >> continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.


      >> GOD: What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer

      >> stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring

      >> to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn, they fall to the

      >> ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect

      >> the trees and bushes. It’s a natural cycle of life.


      >> ST. FRANCIS: You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new

      >> circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay

      >> to have them hauled away.


      >> GOD: No! What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter

      >> and to keep the soil moist and loose?


      >> ST. FRANCIS: After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something

      >> which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of

      >> the leaves.


      >> GOD: And where do they get this mulch?


      >> ST. FRANCIS: They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.


      >> GOD: Enough! I don’t want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine, you’re

      >> in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight?


      >> ST. CATHERINE: ‘Dumb and Dumber’, Lord. It’s a story about….


      >> GOD: Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis.

    • #33306
      Dr. Patrick Jones
      Homestead Instructor

        That’s hysterical. 😆


        Don't use herbs or combine herbs with medications or use them during lactation or pregnancy without talking with your healthcare provider.

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